Everyone deals with pain in a different way. As a little girl I remember my father brushing my hair. I would scream out (believe me I was a drama queen. I'm sure I screamed out more than I needed to - wonder where my girls get it from....) and my father would say, "That doesn't hurt!" Other times when I would fall he would say, "That's ok, you are fine, get up, it doesn't hurt, come on."
And not only physical pain. In my family we ignored the emotional pain too. Stuff it down, don't cry, you are strong and if you ignore it long enough the pain will eventually subside and you can forget.
I've done that all my life. And I've done that with God.
You see I've been doing so well lately. I've been able to rest in my heavenly father's love. I've been able to believe it, to know it, and to be free in it.
But
life has also been going fairly well. Spring is finally here and the snow is melting. The workload hasn't been that overwhelming. I've had a little more fellowship.
And then
I found out that my grandmother's health is failing. We live so far apart and there is nothing I can do.
This hurts.
How do I respond? What is my reaction?
My first reaction: cry. Wow! This is good, I've so often in life just got distant and said, "That is sad." and went on with my life. Crying is good!
But then I had to go on with my day. I had meals to make and kids to take care of. As the day went on and on I could feel my heart getting cold.
But then I had to go on with my day. I had meals to make and kids to take care of. As the day went on and on I could feel my heart getting cold.
I put up my wall. I protect myself. I start to feel that God is not on my side. He won't answer my prayers. His thoughts toward me are indifferent. He doesn't really care.
sunset taken by my daughter
A good friend asked me yesterday how she could pray for me. After I told her she asked me what was I going to do.
I told her I was going to repent.
God has not changed just because my grandmother is getting weak. God did not stop caring for me. He did not stop loving me as his precious daughter. He did not stop answering my prayers!
I am still his child. He is still my shelter. He is still my heavenly father!
I will choose to praise. I will choose to hurt. I will choose the truth.
A good friend asked me yesterday how she could pray for me. After I told her she asked me what was I going to do.
I told her I was going to repent.
God has not changed just because my grandmother is getting weak. God did not stop caring for me. He did not stop loving me as his precious daughter. He did not stop answering my prayers!
I am still his child. He is still my shelter. He is still my heavenly father!
I will choose to praise. I will choose to hurt. I will choose the truth.
Choosing to thank Him.
10. I have a shelter in Him
11. In ministering to others I am encouaged
12. Anne Steele
13. My Heavenly Father loves me. He really does.
11. In ministering to others I am encouaged
12. Anne Steele
13. My Heavenly Father loves me. He really does.
He really does love you Sherry! And He does answer prayer, not always the way we had planned it. That "not always they way I planned it" causes me to put up my walls. I'm so happy that you have good friends praying for you. I will continue to pray for you, your grandmother and your family. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThese words and pictures are so beautiful. I'm so sorry about your grandmother... I tend to push my emotions down, too... and with some recent life trials, I've been choosing to hurt for probably the first time in my life. It's so joyful and painful, all at the same time! I'll be praying for you and your grandmother.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Miranda
Wow!!!! You described Me to a TEE as I grew up just like you. I remember when my mother died when I was eight years old -- no tears, no hugs, no emotions, no "I miss Mom," --- life went on as if yesterday never happened. And so that's the way I thought you handled life: It is what it is.
ReplyDeleteTake it from an old 63 year old lady --- It's NOT the way it is!!! I learned to cry. And I finally learned to cry with the Lord. One by one the bricks of my fortress came down -- are still coming down, and I can only tell you, it's a good thing. It has taught me faith, trust, love, understanding, acceptance and whole lot more! Keep on crying, keep on trusting. He will be there right beside you and in your pain, you will know you are loved.
I'm so sorry about your grandmother. Thank you for letting us join you in this pain. My prayers are with you!!!
I’m here from Ann’s today, and first, I totally get the journey of faith you wrote about today. And I heart your conclusions.
ReplyDeleteAnd - 13. My Heavenly Father loves me. He really does.- that was the thank you on your list I most liked because it’s just true – yesterday – today and tomorrow – and we both know it – we just don’t have perfect faith.
God Bless and Keep you and all of yours.
My grandmother is failing fast. She lives right around the corner, and I am too afraid to go see her. I don't want the strong woman I still see in my mind's eye to disappear. I am so sorry for your hurt. I know it, and it is no fun to carry. You are not alone...
ReplyDelete